The Lemonade: Marijuana Becomes Legal on Campus, Administration Finds Way to Make It Lame

By Clay Garland

This past Friday students at Georgia College were shocked and astounded when word came from President Dorman in a university address that the consumption of marijuana would now be legal on campus.

“Campus police are in full cooperation with this new policy and will make no attempt to arrest any student over the age of 18 for consuming marijuana outdoors on school property,” said Dr. Dorman, wearing several of the new “Bobcat Blaze It” buttons. However, shortly after students began taking advantage of this policy, the drones of emails from Dr. Harshbarger curbed the enthusiasm a lot of students.

On the same day as the university address, more than 30 “420 friendly” events were announced, including: “Bongs Rips for Non-Profits: Helping the Needy”, “More Weed and Less Greed: Social Diversity” and “Dabs for Breast Cancer Awareness”.

In an interview with Jason Leehowzerman, one of the largest voices in support of the new marijuana policy, he said, “Yeah man, I was smoking a blunt on the Bobcat head and looked at my phone and had like 25 emails for community events about weed. All I could think was, ‘I’d rather go back to smoking weed in my car and then telling people about it.’”

Less than a week after the legalization was announced, a student movement comprised of smokers and non-smoker formed to nullify the policy; some out of moral opposition and others because it made smoking weed a lot less cool. The mission statement on the group’s Facebook page reads: “We want the administration to stop trying to make drugs cool. Old white people telling you to do something is cool never ends up being cool. Srsly.”

Though the sales of marijuana, which have become available at the bookstore and the new “Bobcat Blaze” smoke shop, started extremely high, the extreme loss of patronage has caused tuition to increase by 4000% to make up for the absence of profit. An email from the administration went out this week announcing that campus police will now be replaced by members of one of the leading Mexican drug cartels athe beginning of the 2016-2017 academic year if they do not gain enough money to pay them back for all of the weed they purchased. The email reads: “We are sorry that we invested in this project with only I.O.U.’s and our hope in the youth of American higher education.”

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