By Will Anderson

Local Milledgeville bars have been attempting to class up the downtown area by instituting a standardized dress code for each venue. Some of the different outfits on this list include Elizabethan style dresses and corsets for the ladies, while men must attend in full suits of body armor or Shakespearian influenced garments. Any type of Greek clothing has also been approved for downtown wear, but must not be worn out of ironic spite. It must be noted however, that the song “Shout” by The Isley Brothers is forbidden from playing at events while wearing the new Grecian attire.

To no one’s surprise, most college students have had a large problem with this new guideline being forced upon them.

“I don’t even know what the hell a doublet is,” commented an anonymous, concerned undergraduate. “I can barely even afford a meal on my tight budget, now I have to start worrying about purchasing codpieces and stockings?!”

The uprising on this rule has reached such heights, local sororities and fraternities have been changing the themes of date nights to exclusively be Greek related.

“Well we have already been a part of Greek life ourselves for such a long time, we thought why not just embrace all parts of the culture, no matter how old and outdated they may be,” stated a local sorority member. “We are hoping to rent a coliseum for our next formal, along with a live lion and a guillotine.”

Milledgeville law enforcement has even been affected by this recent swing of odd procedures as well. Current reports from officers claim that there has been difficulty transporting intoxicated underage college students into custody. Many analysts theorize this may be because of the enormous suits of armors the young adults have been wearing. Officers are trying to combat this by tying them to the back of horses and letting them do most of the heavy lifting.