ADHD, are you for real?
According to the calculations of the CDC, about 5.2 million children between the ages of 3 and 17 have been diagnosed with ADHD. And, apparently, I have been to school with about half of them.
Now, I am not a medical professional, but I do have a theory about this. Guys, I don’t think we have ADHD. We have something called “over stimulation.” Since babyhood, movies, television, music, blinky lights and moving toys have constantly surrounded us. Anything so mom and dad could eat a meal in peace. After all of that, it’s no great mystery why we can’t focus on a math problem or a textbook!
If it doesn’t move or sing or bite, it is not going to hold much interest. If Mike has 32 chocolate bars, gives six away, and eats 12, for how many days can he continue to eat one chocolate bar per day? Our brains start whirring like a Google search. Lets see, if Mike eats 12 chocolate bars, he is going to have … diabetes. Mike will be diabetic. There was a commercial about one of those blood sample testers on around lunchtime. I ate chicken salad for lunch. Chickens lay brown eggs, but the ones at the store are white. I am out of Nutella, I should go to the store. They play bad music at the store. “Hey, Macarena!” I miss the 90s. What was the question? There was a recipe for Nutella cookies on Pinterest, I wonder if I have time to make them tonight. Maybe not, my show is on tonight, the new one with Zooey Deschanel. She is looking skinny, does she eat enough? Maybe I should exercise. On second thought, I’m going to make a salad. But chocolate, there was something about chocolate … maybe I’ll learn about cocoa beans! They grow them in Africa, right? I’ll Google it. First entry is a YouTube video … looks sad. I don’t like sad. I’m going to watch that funny cat instead. Wait, I hate cats. Is that a sloth holding an umbrella? I think I always wanted a sloth. Has it seriously been three hours? It can’t have been, I have math homework! I’ll just tell the professor my dog ate my … um … laptop.
I am proud to tell you that I have never been medicated for ADHD. Despite my neighbor’s suggestion. We shall overcome, kids. My advice – write everything down. It’s what my mother always told me to do, and of course, I never really tried. But in college, when no one is there to hold the master schedule but you, believe me you want to write it down! That way you can look back and see where that tangent of yours at least started. It may take you twice as long as it should, but that’s not because you are diseased. It’s because of Mario Kart. Put down the Ritalin and read a book.