Something old and something new-ish – An in-depth look at modern-day linguistics in collegiate society
In today’s modern Renaissance, we seem to have resurrected a number of old trends. In this decade alone, cut-off shorts, black and white photos, and plastic-rimmed glasses have all made a comeback. Incredible new technology is in use to make everything look as old as possible.
My household, for example, has abandoned the Q-tip in favor of Native American ear candles. They may be less efficient, but we feel more in touch with our roots. The creative capacity of such a movement is limitless!
But friends, I am troubled. Our linguistic capabilities seem to be suffering under the weight of our ever-expanding culture. I fear that we may actually come full circle and communicate through pointing and grunting like our cave-dwelling ancestors. While at karaoke night one Tuesday, I witnessed several girls communicate with the entire establishment through hip movement. After this, several guys did begin pointing and grunting at them.
We hardly even use vowels anymore in our messages. Some of us choose to avoid speaking altogether in favor of text messaging and virtual scrabble.
Together, we can find a compromise. Allow me to provide you with a few examples to get you started. Picture this: you and your companion are enjoying lunch at the Max. Said companion has just come from the gym and smells less than appetizing. The stench is putting you off your pizza, but you need a diplomatic way to inform your friend. Instead of texting “U stnk like a ded hrse,” which may later prove offensive, try calmly telling them “Bathe thyself, thou rank reeling-ripe canker-blossom.” Your friend will likely be so impressed by your eloquence that they will forget to be offended while still receiving the message that they should at least spray some Febreze before joining you at the table. Everyone wins.
Our words should be used to help, not hurt. The average range of vocabulary for an English speaker today is significantly less than the common British peasant of Shakespeare’s time. This should not be! We have learned so much. The next time you tease up your hair and pull on your bell-bottom jeans, don’t forget to pay equal homage to the heritage of your own language.