Let’s switch lives best friend

Your jealousy is crippling our friendship. Ever since we were children, green has always been your color, which you look exceptionally good in, but now we are in our twenties. We are adults in everyone’s eyes but our professors’. It is time to throw away childish rivalry and rekindle our friendship.

When I confront you on this matter, you dismiss the discussion, but even though you hide it from family and friends, I, because of our close bond, can see through your façade. There is a jealous child inside of you clawing beneath the surface. Your gregarious nature, well-groomed hair and glowing self-confidence are outrageous attempts to repress this child.

Others may see your choices of a financially stable career and fraternity life as mere whims, but I know better. By becoming the opposite of me, you are trying to conceal your uncontrollable yearning to be me.

Even in private, you wrestle with the demon of inferiority, and we both know you are fighting a losing battle. You refuse to answer my voicemails, messages or texts because even my font makes you feel inadequate, but you do not have to live in self-doubt.

On May 14 you changed the style of your hair to be the opposite of my elegantly disheveled look because our resemblance causes a constant reminder of our unfair comparison. You even threw your biography, which I wrote in your favorite foreign language, under your bed. Why? You never want the truth to see the light of day. Despite my craftsmanship, the countless effigies I build out of your hair and childhood toys will always be like you, instead of me.

In fact, my therapist and I think it would be in your best interest to swap lives with me for a week. I can take your name-brand clothes, hybrid car and witty comebacks. While I step into your mundane life of parties, women and success, you can finally have the satire column, grades and prepaid cell phone you’ve always craved. After a few months, you’ll realize your life could be just as exciting and fulfilling as mine if you didn’t spend every second of every day making money and courting beautiful women who don’t truly appreciate you.

I hope this letter opened your eyes. Your transparent façade is unnecessary. When life gets hard, know that I am more than willing to take some of your Gatsby lifestyle which weighs you down off your shoulders. That’s what a best friend is all about.

Posted by Steve Holbert on Oct 20 2011. Filed under Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.