Have a fun, safe summer

Free at last. Free at last. Thank Flannery we’re free at last. Or until we return in the fall with freshmen who overestimate their drinking tolerance. As we Bobcats roam our separate ways for the next three months, let’s carry the lessons learned this semester into our summer fun.

If summer plans include going home to mom and dad, carry valuable dorm lifestyle tricks back to your hometown. If mother goes through your personal belongings without asking, do not hesitate to leave a passive aggressive note on the fridge or atop a pile of dirty dishes, because after five months of living in complete filth, why would a student suddenly have the desire to clean? When there are no late night HBO specials to watch with the folks, see how long a friend or small domestic animal can live in the shower before dad demands more rent or helps the cat mysteriously run away to the circus.

If mom and dad’s house is unavailable, because while their only child was away they replaced him or her with a drunken relative or tax-deductable foster child, use your collegiate money saving skills to keep your personal apartment utility cost down. When temperatures rise so does the cost of air conditioning, but thanks to the new HOPE standards, students can’t afford to learn and be comfortable. However, busting out windows with a baseball bat to allow a constant breeze is both a great stress reliever and cost effective. But with summer heat comes perspiration, and peers who refuse to shower in the winter because of high water prices and sloth can no longer sneak under the radar. However, public fountains, local sprinklers and even professor’s pool parties are excellent ways to trade body odor for that fresh chlorine smell, and Great Value body washes can easily pass for a sunscreen.

However, if summer is a time of more core classes instead of vacations, a lifestyle change is not necessary. With fewer classes, there is even more time to procrastinate, and with fewer students in the classroom, skipping class for a lake day, though more detectable, is exceptionally enticing. The scorching sun will make getting out of bed after a productive night of testing one’s liver capacity much easier, and after a semester of sleepless nights and spinning innumerable plates, nothing makes summer great like drawing pictures of yourself frolicking on the beach during a three hour course.

Let’s apply our feline knowledge and make the best of our precious summer time, and party in a safe fashion because after three years of clawing to the top and jumping through flaming hoops for a future of unemployment, dying without a diploma would be a nightmare.  An expensive nightmare.

Posted by Steve Holbert on Apr 28 2011. Filed under Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.