An open letter about HOPE

Dear Georgia General Assembly,

Thank you for raising the HOPE Scholarship qualifications. Many students, professors and educated citizens are outraged, but I understand the only solution to cut spending is cutting the number of students able to attend college. In fact, I believe you could raise the bar even higher.

Any student capable of a 3.7 GPA could easily reach a 4.0. If the state is going to pay for something, it should pay for perfection. A kid who cannot maintain a valedictorian GPA is obviously lazy and does not care about their future. Someone who truly needs assistance would study instead of making precious memories, working two part-time jobs to support his or her family or take time to properly mourn the death of a loved one. Actually, all high school students could do all three simultaneously and maintain a 4.0 GPA, if they really tried.

In fact HOPE should avoid further diluting funds by also judging high school proficiency on a moral level. Why should lottery money support smokers, gamblers or kids who indulge in premarital sex? The state should only financially assist pinnacles of moral perfection like Jesus or Georgia politicians. Chastity and avoiding cafeteria fights are entirely possible, and students who give into peer pressure do not have the self control for college and are more likely to spend their HOPE checks on liquor.

Why stop raising qualifications? Why not judge student perseverance through a physical challenge? People who need money will do anything to pay the bill. Just look at the drug dealers and prostitutes who never attended college. The state should force qualifying students with high grades and high morals to assemble and compete for the money. They could prove their worthiness, like their ancestors, through gunfights or battling giant turtles to capture gold stars. Why not simply have an obstacle course filled with unnecessary hurdles to get the HOPE checks? Either way, the state could sell tickets and raise revenue.

When you shrink the student pool, there will be more money for departments that benefit a larger audience like saving endangered moss or pay raises for overworked legislators. When you raise the standards, then personal standards will surely raise and make our state a better place to live. In the meantime, my college-bound cousins and I are going to play the lottery, and if we pick the lucky numbers, we will all enter college in the fall with smiles on our faces. If not, we will smile knowing we are supporting Georgia’s brightest and best.

Comedic as always,

Steve Holbert

Posted by Steve Holbert on Mar 10 2011. Filed under Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.