Satire column: Application essay to Yale
The Prompt: Indicate a person, character in fiction, a historical figure or a creative work (as in art, music, etc. .) who has bad a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Wikipedia defines the word savior as “a person who helps people achieve salvation.” Throughout American history, which began in 1492 when Columbus arrived on American soil under the decree of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain, there have been many saviors, but for my generation one archetype stands above all others and has affected my life in a cornucopia of ways. In this essay, I plan on explaining how Lady GaGa is my personal savior through her individuality, insight and influence.
In the heartwarming and groundbreaking novel “The Rainbow Fish,” Marcus Pfister, paints a picturesque picture of both individuality and communism. The protagonist is a fish that belongs to the scientific class Chondrichthyes, who possesses phosphorescent scales, which symbolizes his individuality, and shares these scales with his bland neighbors. I believe Lady GaGa is a human rainbow fish because through her complex, bedazzled and Salvador Dali-esque costumes she transfers the aesthetic quality of her lyrics into the world around her.
Did you know global warming is a crisis affecting the entire globe? Lady GaGa knows the answer to this rhetorical question. In addition to her musical escapades, the GaGa spends her time tending to the issues fastidious senators, who serve longer terms than members of the House of Representatives, ignore. My savior is tending to this issue by wearing clothing made out of plastics, which would otherwise end up in landfills and pollute this great nation’s water supply. In addition to global warming, GaGa is a huge supporter in the equal rights movement and spends her days delivering heartfelt speeches and claiming ownership of grass.
Through her incredible life story and “Roma-Roma-ma,” Lady Gaga has taught me I can change world and without overcoming childhood stuttering, and I believe this empowerment makes me an auspicious candidate for your university. I intend on pursing a degree in molecular physics because I greatly desire to uncover the mysteries of Splenda. It’s made from sugar, but it’s not sugar. That’s witchcraft and alchemy. In addition to my brilliant contributions to the scientific field, I also believe I could diversify your campus greatly because I notice there is a nationwide shortage of middle-class, white males. Also, I have been told by my grandmother that I am an attractive young man and I believe my face is the panache your boring brochures desperately need.
In conclusion, Lady Gaga is a historical figure with significant influence, and I described than influence brilliantly. Looking back thirty years from now, when I have won a Nobel Prize or The Price Is Right, this essay will be worth millions, and you will have the honor of having my name on your alumni list. I look forward to studying with you, and I also enclosed a check with a generous contribution from my parents to build a new library wing.
Posted by Steve Holbert
on Feb 19 2010. Filed under Opinion.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0.
You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
