‘I know what you did last semester’

“Sorority Row” is just like any other teenage slasher movie you’ve ever seen. From a broad perspective, one could easily plot out every single note just by watching the trailer. We already know that most of the characters are college-aged sorority girls who party like there’s no tomorrow, and are completely oblivious to any danger whatsoever. So it’s practically a given to suggest that most of them will be dead by the end of the movie.

And considering the fact that modern-day horror films come with a very thin line between gore and nudity, it’s fair to assume that the R-rating will be pleasantly enjoyed on more than one level. However, despite several ideal qualities, “Sorority Row” brings a different tone to its structure where it already knows that it can’t hide all the clichés, and instead of trying to outmaneuver them, it actually uses them as a settlement point.

There was a cult movie made in 1983 called “The House on Sorority Row.” In that film, a bunch of “sisters” wanted to have a party, but weren’t allowed to because of the house mother. So while playing a prank on her for revenge, the mother was accidentally killed. You can guess the rest, but aside from the usual “remake” taunts, a lot has changed in 26 years, and the addition of Carrie Fisher as the new house mother is only the beginning.

Now in 2009, the focus of the prank is set on one of the sisters’ unfaithful boyfriends. Her name is Megan (Audrina Patridge), and the idea is to make him believe that she is dead, when all the others are in on it. They play it out all the way to a deserted area where they will eventually unveil the truth, but unfortunately they are too convincing as the boyfriend uses a tire wrench to try and cut up the “dead” body.

Now Megan’s really dead, and everyone is guilty. So what do they do? They dispose of her body (along with the wrench) in a well, and vow to never speak of it again.

Eight months go by, graduation day has arrived, and all that’s left is to throw one last party at the sorority house before they start their promising careers (I guess they needed a good reason to keep the murder secret).

That proves to be easier said than done when a mysterious killer begins stalking them, and with the same tool used in Megan’s death, proceeds to kill them off one by one as the night goes on. Did Megan survive? Or does somebody else know their secret?

Through a well-paced series of bloody executions including a foggy shower room stick up, and a deadly beer chug, director Stewart Hendler constructs “Sorority Row” into a surprisingly decent package of screams and shrieks that benefits a great deal from being nothing more than what anyone expects it to be.

Among its common standards is the wide variety of characters who each fit a certain college stereotype. There’s a carefree party animal, a nerd with glasses that were probably stolen from Velma Dinkley, and of course the one member who brings a rare sense of conscience to the ordeal.

Most viewers find this unlikely arrangement irritating, but I was a big fan of “The Faculty” (Robert Rodriguez, 1998) when it mixed the “Body Snatchers” plot into a “Breakfast Club” ensemble, and “Sorority Row” brought back some of those old memories for me. And maybe it’s just because of the all-female cast, but I was also a huge supporter of “The Descent,” and this movie clearly knows how to use the terror effect wisely on the right people, while all the “tough-guy” boyfriends become second rate necessities.

Every time I see a slasher-remake on the horizon, I always go in with one major question: will it, or will it not convince me that the revision was necessary? In most cases the answer is no, but unlike other recent installments, “Sorority Row” takes just the idea of its original source and reshapes it enough to where it can stand on its own ground without looking like a senseless pile of junk. For some people, that may not quite be enough to buy a ticket, but only once in a lifetime will you ever see Princess Leia chasing down a masked killer with a shotgun. … “Come to Momma!”

Posted by Colonnade Archives on Sep 11 2009. Filed under Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry