Faux Pas
Needless to say, I was baffled when I saw the large obnoxious patches that covered the back of the Yankees’ caps. The patch commemorates the opening of the new Yankee Stadium and, typical of modern sports ownership, is essentially there to encourage fans to add another New Era fitted to their collection. While I was not at all compelled to shell out $35 for another commemorative Yankee item (which seems to have become a yearly tradition), I did think about some of the ugly sports uniforms that I have unfortunately bared witness to.
I have heard stories and seen photographs about some of the classic sports uglies from years past. The 1970s Houston Astros’ neon orange tops and the San Diego Padres’ manure brown ensembles of the same era immediately came to mind. However, the jock gear that I identify with best is from the era I grew up in, the 1990s.
The uniforms of the 90s had some bad apples to say the least. Numerous expansion teams began play during the decade, and just about none of them could design a uniform fit for players over the age of 12. I never could figure out why the NBA’s Toronto Raptors decided to put what looked like a deranged version of Barney the Dinosaur on the front of their first jerseys.
After he was traded to the Rockets in 1999, original Raptor Carlos Rogers was subjected to further punishment by having to play in front of thousands while sporting another logo that looked like it came from the Disney Studios.
The madness extended to the ice, where the NHL’s Mighty Ducks of Anahiem wore, you guessed it, jerseys that actually did come from the Disney studios. There are not many sights stranger than a grown man flying down an ice rink with a picture of Donald Duck in a hockey mask on his chest.
Not even the hallowed gridirons of the NFL were safe from the bad taste explosion. In 1994, the League brought back old school jerseys for select games in celebration of its 75th anniversary. It then became apparent that the first televised games were broadcast in black and white not because of technological issues, but rather to prevent viewers from seeing just how tacky the old Chicago Bears looked. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, however, did not have any excuse for having a graphic of a badly sunburned Long John Silver on their helmets through the 1996 season.
The best uniforms, sans special cap patches, belong to the aforementioned Yankees. Their home jerseys, white with distinctive pinstripes, have made even the most unkempt players (see: David Wells) look like baseball royalty. The uniforms of the Boston Celtics and Los Angeles Lakers also standout as simple designs that capture the elements of style.
Apart from aesthetics, the appeal of all three teams’ uniforms is undoubtedly tied into their tremendous history of success in winning championships. So, by that logic, if the Oklahoma City Thunder win four of the next five NBA Championships… no, their uniforms will still be ugly.
Posted by Colonnade Archives
on Apr 17 2009. Filed under Features.
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