A play-by-play of the Presidential Debate

In an effort to spice up debate coverage and-frankly-make the time go faster, I decided to keep a running diary during tonight’s first Presidential Debate, which was generously projected on GCSU’s front lawn, courtesy of the forward-thinking and indispensable American Democracy Project. (Seriously, I’m not sure what I’d do without it.)

Without further ado, here is a transcript of that diary.

8:50 pm – On my way to campus, I stop by The Den to find more people watching the Sex and the City movie than have gathered on the front lawn for the debate.

8:50 – All faith in the American electorate evaporates, putting me about 40 days ahead of schedule this year.

8:54 – On the lawn now, the ADP offers me free popcorn, free water, a free chair (not to keep), and an audience rating sheet to help me keep track of the debate flow. I don’t need said rating sheet, but I’m in no position to decline anything this freckled activist offers me (see: previous column on southern women).

9:00 – Moderator Jim Lehrer warmly welcomes everyone watching at home, then gives his live audience a stern warning to keep absolutely silent during the debate. I’m immediately reminded why I like Jim Lehrer.

9:01 – Lehrer points out that tonight’s topic (foreign affairs) includes the global financial crisis. Really? I wasn’t sure they’d get to that.

9:03 – John McCain somehow finds time during the busy financial crisis to attend the first Presidential Debate.

9:04 – Barack Obama refers to Ole Miss as “Old Miss”, proving once and for all that he’s a member of the liberal elite and totally out of touch with university monikers.

9:08-9:10 – After some vague responses on both sides, Lehrer becomes visibly annoyed that no one has given him an answer as to whether or not they’ll support the current bailout plan. Obama says he’s “optimistic”, then resumes dodging the question. McCain says casually, “Sure. I hope so.”

9:12 – Lehrer says that he’s determined to get the candidates to talk to each other. This must be his first time moderating.

9:14 – McCain acknowledges that Republicans have expanded government exponentially over the past eight years. Conservatives everywhere cover their ears and commence whistling.

9:17 – Obama calls McCain out on his $300 billion tax cuts for the country’s wealthiest people and corporations. Ha! Who is Obama trying to win over, the poorest 95 percent of Americans?

9:18 – McCain claims that he earned the nickname “The Sheriff” in the Senate by attacking big business, then adds that he “didn’t win Miss Congeniality”. Shocker.

9:20 – The Sheriff refuses to return Obama’s eye contact. This will happen throughout the course of the night.

9:21-9:26 – Obama and The Sheriff go back and forth on economics, Obama criticizing McCain’s tax cuts and McCain criticizing Obama’s $938 million in earmarks during his time in the Senate. Each raises a valid concern, but what do Americans understand and care about more: tax cuts or earmarks? (Score one for Obama.)

9:27 – Obama calls for more competitive education standards, because apparently there are Chinese children walking in space now. Who knew?

9:29 – McCain says he wants to cut spending-even for defense-and calls Obama out on his “Most Liberal Senator” rating.

9:31 – Obama addresses McCain as “Tom” in order to befuddle him, then defends his liberal record by saying he acquired it opposing that guy everyone hates-what’s his name again? Oh yeah, President Bush. Burn!

9:32 – Lehrer once again demands satisfaction (in the form of answers), so Sheriff Tom McCain-never one to back down from a challenge-pulls out the big guns: “Spending freeze.” A hush falls over the already hushed crowd. This is just how Lehrer likes it.

9:33 – Obama questions whether or not we should be taking a hatchet to a problem when we really need a scalpel, which sounds like lawyer jargon to me. In ENGLISH, please. Not everyone graduated from Harvard.

9:33-9:36 – I run to Atkinson for a bathroom break; upon my return the candidates are still bickering over the same ole (or “old”, as Obama would say) stuff.

9:37 – Obama mentions something about an “orgy of spending”, links McCain to Bush (romantically?), then concludes by saying that it’s all very “hard to swallow”. Wow. So much for Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

9:40 – Lehrer finally steers the debate away from the economy to-what else?-Iraq. McCain wishes he’d shifted gears about 40 minutes earlier.

9:41 – Obama restates some well-known figures, but they’re still jarring to hear: $600 billion dollars spent; 4,000 lives lost; and al-Qaeda is stronger than ever. What a nightmare.

9:42-9:49 – The candidates go back and forth on Iraq. Obama reiterates that he voted against the war and we never should have been there in the first place; McCain reminds everyone that Obama voted against the surge and-if he’d had his way-would have “snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.” Both valid points, but there’s nothing new here.

9:45 – McCain says that “Senator Obama doesn’t understand the difference between a tactic and a strategy.” Nerd alert! Lay off the Warcraft, Tom.

9:48 – Obama says that he wants to “capture and kill Osama bin Laden, and crush al-Qaeda.” This is probably the most forceful language I’ve ever heard him use.

9:51 – .And he follows it up by saying that al-Qaeda and the Taliban are attacking our troops “in a brazen fashion.” What, is Oscar Wilde heading up the Taliban these days?

9:53 – McCain quotes George Schultz in saying, “If you’re gonna aim a gun at somebody, you better be prepared to pull the trigger.” This is the kind of frightening rhetoric that other George might invoke, only he’d inevitably screw it up (“If you’re gonna aim a trigger.”).

9:55 – After making some point or another, Obama concedes that “if John wants to disagree with me on this, he can let me know.” No s***, Sherlock. You’re in the middle of a debate.

9:56 – Obama says that McCain has “threatened extinction for North Koreans and sung songs about bombin’ Iran.” After the shock wears off, my mind wanders to dinosaurs and Toby Keith.

9:59-10:00 – Obama and McCain compare bracelets. I have a feeling Stephen Colbert will join the fray on Monday.

10:02 – McCain says that everything in the Middle East is interconnected, then bumps his fists together in what could be some sort of terrorist gesture.

10:03 – McCain makes it clear that he’s anti-Holocaust. Good to know.

10:07 – Obama says that a nuclear Iran would be a “game-changer”. In other words: If the global community is the Chicago Bears, then nuclear Iran is Devin Hester.

10:08-10:10 – Obama, citing North Korea as a prime example, says that isolating dangerous countries and labeling them “evil” doesn’t work. McCain says he’ll “sit down with anybody, but there’s gotta be preconditions.” Among McCain’s preconditions: No heavy petting on the first date.

10:10-10:15 – McCain and Obama bicker about whether or not it’s okay to meet with dangerous leaders without preconditions, each of them claiming Henry Kissinger is on his side. If this were a professional wrestling match, it’s at this moment that Kissinger’s music would hit, and Jim Ross would appear next to Lehrer screaming “My god! That’s Kissinger’s music! He wasn’t scheduled to be here tonight!” as Henry Kissinger stormed the ring to set the record straight (and probably deck both men).

10:16-10:24 – The conversation shifts to a big, mysterious woman from our past-Mother Russia-and McCain and Obama actually agree for the first time (they both deem her actions against Georgia unacceptable). Unfortunately for everyone, the candidates don’t realize they agree, and they proceed to parse words for eight minutes.

10:18 – Obama says that he’s “worked with Dick Luger on reining in loose nukes”, which can’t be nearly as fun as it sounds. It sounds like they’re going to a rodeo or something.

10:24 – Obama somehow changes the subject to energy independence, steals McCain’s “walk the walk” mantra, and says that The Sheriff voted against clean energy 26 times. Ouch.

10:25 – McCain laughs off the accusation and attacks Obama’s unwillingness to drill offshore, which would provide temporary relief for high gas prices. In about ten years.

10:26 – Jim Lehrer asks his final question as if it’s a doozey: What are the chances of another 9/11-type attack on America?

10:27-10:29 – Again, the two men essentially agree. They say we’re safer than we were seven years ago, but still have a long way to go. Obama adds that restoring America’s standing in the world is a priority for him, while McCain (probably) rolls his eyes.

10:30-10:35 – In closing, John McCain does three things he’s been doing all night: 1) He starts a sentence with “Senator Obama doesn’t understand.” This isn’t surprising in the sense that McCain wants to harp on Obama’s inexperience, but it is surprising in the sense that Obama is supposed to be the condescending one; 2) He invokes Ronald Reagan-more proof that he’s going after Reagan Democrats and has completely conceded the black vote; 3) He tries to distance himself from George W. Bush, this time by (boldly) comparing Obama’s stubbornness to the President’s. Unfortunately for him, McCain agrees with Bush 90 percent of the time, a fact he can’t really escape, especially when the Obama campaign keeps driving it home every day.

Speaking of which, here are three things Obama did all night: 1) Linked McCain (romantically?) to President Bush. This has been the cornerstone of his campaign; 2) Brought up McCain’s/Bush’s tax cuts for the wealthy; 3) Steered the conversation toward his strengths: energy independence, health care, and education.

All in all, this debate felt like a toss-up, although considering Obama’s lead in the polls and the fact that foreign policy experience is one of McCain’s strong suits, one could make the argument that a toss-up here is essentially a win for Obama.

Regardless, as one woman on the lawn commented after the debate, “Whoever wins in November, at least he’ll be able to speak.” Amen, sister.

If there’s one lesson to be learned from tonight’s dialogue, it’s that there’s nowhere to go but up.

Posted by Colonnade Archives on Oct 3 2008. Filed under Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry