Winter movie overload

Even though there wan’t any snow here during the Christmas break, Georgians could still enjoy the heavy fall of cinematic stocking stuffers that Hollywood generously supplies us with each year; a never ending blizzard of entertainment ranging from “King Kong” and “The Chronicles of Narnia” to the DVD releases of “The Polar Express” and “March of the Penguins.” Unlike snow however, these movies don’t melt after the holidays and they don’t block up your driveway. The entertainment keeps on rolling into 2006 and gets even better as prices on movies like “Christmas with the Kranks” drop from a hefty $19.99 to a more Tim Allen/ Jamie Lee Curtis worthy $9.99. KA-CHING! So while Santa Clause begins his 364 day break, Hollywood keeps the Christmas party going.

“King Kong” is probably the most notable film on our Blockbuster holiday list. Since its New York debut on Dec. 5 it’s done an incredible job in the box office and is definitely worth a viewing if you don’t mind being completely inactive for as long as it takes for muscular dystrophy to set in. I, personally, can remain conscience while in a comatose state for days at a time, so three and half hours in the theatre is nothing to me. But there are those who understandably object to the massive length of the film, and I’m in perfect agreement with them. They should release a 90 minute version and allow people to pay only half price. Perfect for the movie-goer whose always going, “King Kong” gets four paws for delivering an amazing spectacle while doing justice to the dramatic draw of the film. It would have gotten five paws, but the computer generated imagery (CGI) looks only marginally better than “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” and Adrian Brody, for some reason, will not stop making that sad puppy dog face.

Another great film to be on the look out for is “The Chronicles of Narnia.” It boasts considerably better CGI than “King Kong;” actually blending real animals in with their pixilated counterparts so often that for most of the film I couldn’t tell the difference. While I’ve read a lot of media hype concerning “Narnia’s” Christian viewpoint I was hard pressed to find very much of it in the film. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It just means that this isn’t solely a Christian based movie like “Passion of the Christ” was. This is easily the best family film of 2005. Cute and cuddly animals for the women, the bloody throws of war for the men, life lessons for the children, and even a ritualistic sacrifice or two. Have at it, kids! Four paws.

The DVD releases of 2004′s holiday films were also great for those of us who missed out on “The Polar Express” and “Christmas with the Kranks.” I have a fervent belief that every actor should play in one Christmas movie and then move on. Tom Hanks plays multiple characters in Robert Zemechis’ “The Polar Express”, which is an excellent ride for young children, and overcomes its lack of story with its brilliant imagination. “The Polar Express” is the ultimate visualization of children’s Christmas dreams. It gets three and half paws for being so completely saturated by Hanks that it makes “Cast Away” look invariably Hanks free. And while he played nearly every character in the movie, they were all in the same movie so it doesn’t break any uni-Christmas film bylaws. Tim Allen however, can’t seem to get his foot out of the Christmas stocking. With three movies already in the hole, and a fourth on the way, Allen committed a movie sacrilege that I cannot over look. “Christmas with the Kranks” gets no paws because I refused to watch it.

Finally, a movie that keeps on waddling through the seasons is the National Geographic film “March of the Penguins.” Depicting the cycle of life for the Antarctic penguin, “March of the Penguins” is the first actual Christmas movie to explore the events which take place on the opposite pole of the world during this festive season. There are no Tom Hanks trains to carry the penguins to their nesting spot. And while we take our North Pole native gift bearing elves for granted, this gut wrenching documentary reminds us of the third world suffering occurring on the opposite end of the globe. As disturbing as it is heart warming, “March of the Penguins” offers a lot of food for thought and thus earns three Bobcat paws.

While I have a generally positive attitude about the holiday movie hill, I must admit that an average 2.9 Bobcat Paws is not a score I’m proud to give. We can all thank Tim Allen for ruining what otherwise might have been a tremendously successful 3.625 Christmas. I’m sure that somewhere atop the mountains that overlook the small innocent campus of GC&SU Tim Allen is sitting giddily on his Binford sleigh being pulled by his little dog, Max, and eagerly awaiting the release of “The Santa Clause 3″ in the hopes of finally destroying what Christmas means to all of us.forever.

Posted by Colonnade Archives on Jan 20 2006. Filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry