Love 101

by Desiree Dugger

A few years ago there was a very popular book that took the country by storm. It was titled “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” In the book, the author explained that women and men communicate differently because we are essentially from different planets. Now, I don’t think that we need to run to our local Waldenbooks to find out that statement is in fact true. However, I do wonder if there is a common ground for the two types of aliens roaming the planet, Earth.

Knowing our inherent differences, is it possible for men and women to co-exist and communicate in the same world together? And more importantly, could we ever become fluent in the language of the opposite sex?

Here is a common example for the guys. You and your girlfriend are alone on a Friday night enjoying a movie together on T.V. After five minutes of dialogue, it suddenly becomes quiet and she asks “What’s wrong?” Now, I know this is going to seem like a shock ladies, but just hear me out. If the reaction he gives you is one of confusion and puzzlement, it is because his reaction is genuine. You see for guys, silence is just that: silence. There is no real motivating factor behind it other than the fact that they have nothing else to say.

Women, on the other hand, take silence as a moment of reflection and curiosity. “What is he thinking?” or “What’s wrong with him?” This also goes hand in hand with our natural need to jump to conclusions, but that is another article for another day. Needless to say there are situations when the best thing one can say, is nothing at all. If you find yourself in this situation, and this goes for guys too, just live in the moment rather than talking about it.

On the flip side, there are times when communication is vital to a relationship. Case in point, men and women have different ways of handling conflict. Whether it is school, making a major life decision or just stress, we do not handle things the same as our partners do. Because of this we might need either silence or communication.

However, if there is an incident which is common to the two of you, and it boils under you skin to the point that your days become consumed by it, then you must speak up. Now keep in mind, there are important things to talk about and there are trivial things to talk about. It is the important issues, which have a need for urgency over those that are trivial. There is no need to call your boyfriend in the middle of a workday because you heard something from a third person that may or may not have happened. But if you notice that his health and behavior has changed to the point that his personality and/or figure has changed, then a mid-day conversation is definitely in need. Note: Keep in mind, like snowflakes, no two relationships are the same, so what works for your friends, might not work for you.

Also, don’t fake the language unless it’s genuine. If you have the incomprehensible need to know why your boyfriend won’t spend the weekend with you and your parents, and you dare interrupt him while watching football and ask about the “fly ball” you just saw, be prepared for harsh comments and laughter. Likewise guys, don’t think that baby talk and friendly banter will be sufficient when talking to us, especially if the conversation is serious. Women hate being talked down to.

Just remember that everyone is different and this is what makes us unique. Keep in mind that silence is golden and if you leave something unsaid that is important to you, you will be the one to regret not speaking up, not your partner. Remember, actions speak louder than words and some of the most important communication is that which is not said.

Are you having a tough time tackling your dating issues? Ask Desiree! E-mail colonnade@gcsu.edu.

Posted by Colonnade Archives on Oct 22 2004. Filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry