Love 101

A friend of mine recently broke out of a three-year relationship. She desperately asked me what to do, and I could tell that she had been up the night before in tears, and as her friend, it pained me to see her that way. But what advice can you give someone in that situation? You want to show your friend that you will be there, but at the same time you don’t want to sound fake and say that you “know what they are going through.” So, the question is, how do you mend a broken heart? And once more, when do you know it is time to move on?

Though many of us have been in a failed relationship in some form, no two breakups, like snowflakes, are the same. For some, it is easy to bounce back and to get into the swing of things. For others, the road to relationship recovery is a hard and arrdous one. I sometimes like to report on what I went through, just so my readers know that I have been in a similar situation.

My freshmen year of college I started seeing a guy who I thought was perfect. Five months later, near Valentine’s Day, I began making plans for the two of us, when he called me and needed me to come see him right away. Thinking something was wrong, I raced toward his dorm, where awaiting me was his breakup speech (yes, he memorized a speech!). Now I can tell you all about this because it was so long ago, but at the time I thought my world was ending. Not to mention that he broke up with me exactly one week before Valentine’s Day. But for me, getting back into the dating scene was really tough. For one, I was very young and involved too much of my emotions into what I realize now was a puppy love relationship.

That situation brings me to my helpful moving on tip number one: recognize when true heartache is due. Now we all know the people who are in these intense passion-filled relationships, where birds are singing and the sun never sets. The ones where they are attached at the lips, yet they met only a month ago. When this Angelina and Billy Bob episode is over, there is no need to lock yourself in your room and swear off men. Now when you hit the one, two or three year mark going all the way back to high school, then some serious tears can be shed.

Tip number two: “The Back-In-The Saddle-Equation.” Love is like a complex mathematical equation. And, yes, there is a scientific way to know when you can get back on the horse and find yourself a new dance partner. Look at the time you spent with that person. For every month, you spend two weeks living in the fabulous world of singlehood, and for every year, you spend one month of alone time. Yes, this may seem like a lot of time, but it helps you out in two ways.

First, it gives you ample time to make sure that the relationship is really over. Second, it gives you time to heal and evaluate where you want to go. And third and most importantly, for your ex, it shows that you have given your previous relationship time to officialy end and have not quickly moved on to something new out of respect towards them.

Finally, tip number three: Never double dip. From sheer courtesy to the person you ultimately end up with, it is never a good idea to return to a previous relationship. It was over for a reason, so let it stay. Now there are times, in very very rare occasions when it is okay to go back. But these moments are few and far between and usually reserved for Julia Roberts movies.

Remember, you never appreciate the view of heaven until you see it from the ground.

Posted by Colonnade Archives on Sep 17 2004. Filed under Other. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry