Relationship realities…

Can we talk?

There is an old saying that “silence is golden,” however silence can kill a relationship. Yes, there are times when you should say nothing at all, but those times are few and far between. Remember you should never let your heart and mind live in solitude. But what should you do when you feel that words might not help, or worse yet could possibly hurt the relationship? When is it okay to speak your mind?

One philosophy that I strongly live by is that of living a life with regrets. You will never know the outcome of a situation unless you first open up to it. Now, I’m not saying that this is going to be easy, but it is a first step. Realizing that something needs to be said about a relationship is a great way to start, focus in on your feelings. Is there an immediate need to want to change or enlighten the relationship? Or is there just the need to vocalize emotions? Here are some tips on opening the lines of communication.

First, understand that your partner doesn’t communicate or listen like you do. Talking is one thing and listening is another, so recognize that both are important and both are done differently depending on the person.

Second, some men can open up, and some women do know when to be quite. If you are thinking about the stereotypical opposite that we can’t keep quite and men can’t speak out, then talking in the first place becomes useless because you have brought skepticism into the conversation. Whether you know it or not, your whole manner and demeanor will change because of this old clich?.

Third, keep an open mind. Women and men are different, and just because he didn’t freak out when your best friend got her heart broken doesn’t mean he wasn’t listening or that he doesn’t care.

And finally the most important role of communication…we are not mind readers. Only you know when something needs to be addressed in a relationship so, speak up. If you don’t, you only have yourself to blame and you’ll sit in a sea of regret and hurt because you have all of these feelings bottled up inside, and no one to talk to.

So remember, if your gut says you need to work on your vocal skills, then sound off. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll be happy that you did.

Posted by Colonnade Archives on Jan 17 2003. Filed under Features. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry